14 Things I Stopped Doing

I stopped wondering if my love for LGBTQ friends crosses the line into condoning their 'sinful' life choices. I just loved them.

I stopped wondering if God loves me any more or any less than other people based on my level of devotion. If there is a God, he or she or it loves me the same way we love our children, equally and unconditionally, despite what men claiming to speak for God say.

I stopped wondering if I am enough or am worthy of a temple recommend, exaltation, or eternal happiness. I am enough, just as I am, and no one - not even men claiming to speak for God - can tell me otherwise.

I stopped pretending that women are equal in the church. If a woman doesn't want decision-making authority, then that's fine, but that’s her choice, not his.

I stopped believing that women leaders are looking out for the women of the church. Women can also discriminate against women, and are often the worst offenders. Women that "fight from the inside" aren't the ones elevated to leadership positions.

I stopped thinking that garments are okay. Grown ass adults telling other grown ass adults what kind of underwear they should wear, then follow up asking if they wear them - is weird. It's not normal and it's not okay.

I stopped saying that we don't believe in paying our way into heaven. If I don't pay tithing to the church, I don't qualify for a temple recommend, which is necessary to perform saving ordinances required for exaltation. If that's not called paying my way into heaven, someone has hijacked my vocabulary.

I stopped treating other people as missionary opportunities. Sure, maybe I'd be friends regardless, but there’s always a hope that they come around. Instead, I just love them for who they are.

I stopped trying to justify the past mistakes of prophets. They are human and are wrong most of the time.

I stopped outsourcing my conscience to a group of old white men that I don't know and with whom I often disagree.

I stopped putting things on my shelf. If something is good, embrace it. If it's not, discard it. I didn’t need a shelf. I needed a garbage can.

I stopped pretending like "Mormon" is a bad word all of a sudden. When two prophets have conflicting thoughts, a good rule of thumb is to listen to the one that's less of a narcissist, not the one who lives longer. Or, preferably, neither.

I stopped thinking the word "obedience" is something for which one should strive. Obedience to another human being is seen by the rest of the world as wrong and scary. There's a reason for that. And if said human being says that they speak for God, that's not an exception. That's worse.

I stopped listening to other people tell me what to do. I learned to trust myself.