Recently a few people have asked about my status with the church (aka The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, aka the - although now unwelcomed - “Mormons”), as if I had a sign on my forehead that says, "I've got a bone to pick with religion. Please ask me about it." I'm honestly not sure why, but alas, their intuition is right. It's been five years now, +/- a bit, and I suppose that, as time goes on, I am less afraid of what people will think, to the point that I'll finally talk or write about it a little.
To answer their question properly, I'd need a long evening involving good food, a hot tub, and nothing more interesting to talk about. But to satisfy the questioner, one of the ways to explain it is to say that I ‘zoomed out’. Until I turned 30, I didn't think very much about the religious world outside of my bubble. Sure, I knew it was there. I read and traveled and lived in the cultural melting pot that is San Francisco. But I hadn't allowed myself to zoom out.
Why I Zoomed Out
Then I saw people that I respected leave the church and it made me mad. “How could they be so careless? What possible reason could they have for making such a huge mistake?” There’s an old assumption that people leaving the church are either sinning, offended, or lazy (i.e. they stopped doing the things that bring the Spirit, thus allowing one to slowly slip away and let Satan grab a hold of them). But what seemed even more likely to me (perhaps in combination with these) was that they got caught in the pride cycle. They made money, got educated, and thought that they knew better. They were analytical, intellectual types, so maybe they were applying their mind to questions of the heart, a surefire recipe for disaster. They lost humility for how small they were and how great the mysteries of God are. Or they never really had a testimony, and if they did, it wasn't knowledge like mine, just belief. “I'm past the point of questioning or even believing,” I thought. “I can’t deny my spiritual experiences. I know, and that will never change.”
So in an effort to prove them wrong and to better arm myself against the adversary, I decided to become that guy that is both completely informed and yet totally unfazed by whatever was causing the disenchantment. I took the famous investor Charlie Munger's advice: "I never allow myself to hold an opinion on anything that I don't know the other side's argument better than they do."
I started down what I thought was a quick 'check the box' detour - become an amateur Mormon apologist, increase the size of my moat, and use that experience to help others navigate their questions and help them stay in the church. As a future leader of the church, I felt the need to be well equipped to handle these situations. As these things tend to go, this isn’t a check the box kind of thing, and a quick detour turned into a multi-year and, likely, lifelong 'truth journey' of sorts. Instead of a sprint to appease my pre-confirmed conclusion, I slowed down, took my time, and realized that an “honest seeker of truth” doesn’t determine their destination in advance, but they must use their heart and mind to find their way to truth, wherever they may find it. I took comfort in the words of those wiser than me:
“If we have the truth, it cannot be harmed by investigation. If we have not the truth, it ought to be harmed.” - J. Reuben Clark
“Whether a truth be found with professed infidels, or with the Universalists, or the Church of Rome, or the Methodists, the Church of England, the Presbyterians, the Baptists, the Quakers, the Shakers, or any other of the various and numerous different sects and parties, all of whom have more or less truth, it is the business of the Elders of this Church to gather up all the truths in the world pertaining to life and salvation, to the Gospel we preach, … to the sciences, and to philosophy, wherever it may be found in every nation, kindred, tongue, and people and bring it to Zion.” - Brigham Young
“It’s the truth I’m after, and the truth never harmed anyone. What harms us is to persist in self-deceit and ignorance.” - Marcus Aurelius
How I Zoomed Out
So I zoomed out. One rudimentary method I use to explore something new is to ask a zoom-out question followed by "why?" about 100 times, much like a child would learn something new.
Here are some examples of my zoom-out questions on this particular topic:
What makes people happy? Who are examples of happy people?
How much am I a product of my religious environment and upbringing?
If I knew for a fact that there were no God, would I change anything about my life? If yes, am I doing/not doing that thing for the right reason?
How many religions are there in the world and where do I fit in?
Let's take this last one as an example. So the rough initial answer looks something like this:
And a more detailed pdf if interested:
Then following up with the line of "why" questions would look something like this:
Of all the churches, why am I a member of this one?
Why do others believe in their religious traditions?
Do they also base their beliefs on their feelings/spiritual experiences? Why?
Why would my feelings/spiritual experiences be any different/stronger than anyone else?
Why are others so devout and faithful in their religious beliefs? Are they just mistaken and I'm not? Why?
Did I just happen to randomly be born into the 0.2% of the world that got it right? Why? Am I special?
If I weren't born in the church, would I join? Why/why not?
What is truth? What are actually the most durable arbiters of truth? Why?
What makes Joseph Smith different than these other founders?
Why do 2/3 of the planet not believe in Jesus Christ? Why do some Christians not believe in the literal resurrection?
Why don't I believe in Buddhism/Catholicism/Hinduism?
Why do I believe that Joseph saw the angel Moroni but I don't believe that Muhammed saw the angel Gabriel?
Why do I believe the Book of Mormon is the word of God but not the Quran?
And on and on, etc. and so forth. And then run this same exercise across every ‘zoom out’ question.
Like most people, I’d thought of these things before, but more as a passing “hmm, interesting” and never really thought about it. Kind of like when I think, "why didn't Jack (of Titanic fame) just lay on the other side of the headboard, or find another one, or take turns?" and then move on with my day.
One question I asked myself at one point was, “under what circumstances would I change my religious beliefs?” My honest answer was, “It would require an angel or God to appear to me and tell me in person.” And yet, I was somehow able to arrive at such an unyielding conviction despite ever having that experience. A paradox.
How Zooming Out Feels
It’s really hard to consider anything outside of one's own reality - until you zoom out. Zooming out requires us to look both outward (religious education, religious history, philosophy, world history, etc.) and inward (epistemology, spirituality, better understanding of happiness/peace/love/purpose, etc.), both of which open our eyes to a broader reality, and it changes the way that we view what's happening in the world. It doesn't necessarily take us closer to or further away from religion, it just provides helpful perspective and humility to the question at hand. As Albert Einstein would say, "the more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know." And we tend to think we know more than we actually know.
It's easiest to try and explain what zooming out feels like through analogy since it's hard to explain it otherwise. The most overused analogy is taking the red pill from The Matrix, choosing to see an unsettling reality instead of taking the blue pill and remaining in your contented ignorance. I find this a bit extreme for this example since, you know, we're not being harvested by robots... or are we? Another is either the Truman Show or The Village, where people are told that their perception of their physical world is complete, so they live in their tiny town completely unaware of the bigger world out there. This is closer, but it's not a physical, manicured reality that I'm talking about, and it sounds condescending to whomever the village people may be - and if there’s anything I’ve learned in life, it’s to never underestimate the power of the Village People. Dancing is contagious and you have to just embrace it. Then there is The Wizard of Oz, where you find that what you were looking for was inside of you the whole time, as long as you don’t mind drawing parallels to the charlatan behind the curtain. So while they all have their merit, I think the best example is probably the most common one: we simply start to see the forest from the trees.
Zooming out helps us see the bigger picture of our lives and our reality, and only then can we start to separate what we know from what we think we know. It's not always fun and it's hard to accept things that you don't want to accept, but I find it to be a helpful framework not only for religion, but any assumptions in our lives that, like all assumptions, could occasionally use a little more of the simple question, "why?"
The thing with asking “why” is that, again like a child, one often never arrives at a proper answer. And after dozens of books and years of thought, prayer, and spiritual journeying, many questions are still unanswered, at least definitively. Which is fine. That’s hard for me, because I’m accustomed to having the answers to everything, from how I should spend my Sunday mornings to where the Garden of Eden is located. But as Richard Feynman would say, “I would rather have questions that can’t be answered than answers that can’t be questioned.” And just because we may not find answers, that doesn’t mean that we should simply cling onto the ones with which we’re most comfortable and familiar. Especially any of our answers that haven’t been refreshed since the Bronze Age.
Has Zooming Out Answered Anything?
In my process of zooming out, while I have many unanswered questions, I have indeed come to believe in a few things that I feel are worthy of much more of my time and attention in life. Here are three that come to mind:
1) Love is never wasted
Jesus taught that we should “love one another.” 2,000 years later John and Paul proclaimed that “love is all you need.” If we just stop there, don’t add conditions, really mean it, and really live it, then my heart and mind tell me that love is ‘true’. But it’s hard, and not just because it’s hard to do individually, but we as humans are conditioned in both our nature and our nurture to create tribes, which by definition necessitates fear and animosity toward the ‘other’, which drives away love. A good rule of thumb is that if I ever say, “of course I love them, but…” then it’s too late. Just a period will do, thanks.
So what is love (other than baby don’t hurt me)? I think we paint a picture of who we and others are and we love ourselves/them based on that picture. But that picture might be a projection, not exactly reality. We often love the expectation of something better, not what is. We love our potential and the potential of others not who we and they actually are, right now. Once we remove conditions, images, and labels, we can love. And when we can love, there is no comparison, no separation, no hierarchy, no fear, no expectation, no jealousy, no duty, no obligations. And when we really love ourselves and others without these things, life is better and the world is better. Love is never wasted.
2) Happiness is a pretty good guiding star
If I were to ask you, “What is your guiding star?” and the only two answers you could choose from were “happiness” and “salvation,” which would you choose? Some would say that pursuing salvation is how one finds happiness. But what happens when the two conflict?
Instead, what is wrong with the statement, “I should do what makes me happy?” Perhaps, what you think makes you happy actually doesn’t? Taking LSD and listening to Sergeant Pepper may feel like happiness, but it doesn’t last. Ok, so let’s pretend that one has a thoughtful, nuanced understanding of themselves and what truly makes them happy in the long term. Then what is wrong with that statement? That’s an actual question on which I’d love an answer, because it’s been in the back of my mind for five years and I can’t find anything wrong with it. Many will agree with this until it conflicts with their duty to their religious beliefs, in which case happiness steps out of focus. I'll let you find your own examples, but for illustration's sake, let's pretend that doctrine states that I should wear black on Wednesdays. But I hate wearing the color black and I don't think it makes me happier. What do I do? Happiness will of course mean different things to different people, but as long as your happiness doesn’t cause harm to anyone, that seems like the best guiding star to me.
3) Life is short. Be present.
In just about every non-Abrahamic faith tradition there is a common teaching about living in the present (Islam/Christianity/Judaism have traces of it but typically put a greater emphasis on the afterlife, being saved, judgement, etc.). This idea that being present leads to greater happiness has been around for millennia, but is still, in my opinion, dramatically underappreciated. Eckhart Tolle summarizes these ideas into one succinct teaching:
“All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.”
Another guiding star of mine when making a decision is to think of regrets when I die - except I don’t think about myself as an old man, but about five years from now. This creates a sense of urgency that helps to keep me grounded and centered on what matters now. I hope there is something after this life, and I call that faith, but if it is ever required to sacrifice happiness now for an unknown happiness after death, I choose now. If God punishes me for that, then I guess I got tricked. I don’t want to waste any of this short life on things that don’t bring love and happiness to myself and others. With those two pillars in mind, I want to go about living a good life.
And you can’t talk about this topic without hearing from the Stoics. Marcus Aurelius said, “Each of us lives only now, this brief instant. The rest has been lived already, or is impossible to see… Let each thing you would do, say, or intend, be like that of a dying person… Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”
Zooming Back In
So what does this new perspective mean for my religion exactly? I think the best way to summarize it would be to say that my previous focus in life, if you really dug down into it, was ultimately “obedience to the prophet leads to eternal life.” Zooming out helped me to understand that statement more objectively. And after years of dissecting it, I’ve realized that within Mormonism there is no way around the absolute necessity of trusting the prophet more than I trust myself. And I haven’t been able to find a compelling reason why I should do that. And if you're thinking "I don't have any reason not to trust him - I am aligned with everything the prophets say," to that I would say, "precisely". So did I. But sometimes we want to trust someone else because we don't trust ourselves.
What's interesting is that when people talk about problems with LDS church history, it’s not really about the weird stuff that happened in the 1800s. What it's really about is what happens when you trust someone claiming to speak for God over yourself (spoiler alert: it often ends very poorly).
Ultimately, this all leads me to my new focus in life, which is something like “love and presence leads to a happy life.”
Some may worry about someone on this journey and say that they are having a ‘faith crisis,’ are ‘struggling’, or are being "carefully led down to hell". But, at least for me, none of those words describe at all how I’ve felt. Zooming out has brought clarity, peace, and humility to what it means to live a good life and I feel that I have a more robust toolkit to help me do so. Honestly, the only struggle I’ve had is thinking about how my loved ones may react when they learn that I am seeking truth and happiness in a different way than they are. Unfortunately, that’s all it takes for some to treat me differently or keep their distance from a ‘loose cannon’ like me, that crazy guy trying his best to live a good and honest life.
A proper hot tub sesh is still required to really understand what zooming out has done for me, but needless to say, I’m glad that I did, even though there were moments when I wished that I hadn’t. Truth is a lifelong pursuit and I only hope that my friends and family hold back their judgment of my truth journey as we work together to live, laugh, and love (thank you) our way through this little thing we call life. Which brings me to the real reason to write this piece. During my journey, in a moment of overwhelming inspiration, I bought three dozen “Live, Laugh, Love” decorative reclaimed wood signs on a whim and I need help selling them. Please DM me for a great discount if interested.
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